


Pain

by chatnoiristhebest5



Series: Angsty [5]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: (but I am sorry to do this to poor baby Adrien), Adrien Agreste Needs Love, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir Needs a Hug, F/M, Guess what I'm back, Heavy Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I couldn't leave without a little fluff, Poor Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Sorry Not Sorry, This will trigger many feels, Why Did I Write This?, hope you like it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:33:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25780657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chatnoiristhebest5/pseuds/chatnoiristhebest5
Summary: Nighttime is not something Adrien Agreste liked. It was not because it got dark, he didn't mind the dark, and there was plenty of light from the street lamps outside either way. But it was because at night, when he's going to sleep, he's not busy. And when he's not busy, his mind wanders.And whenever that happens, it's never good.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Series: Angsty [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1848385
Comments: 4
Kudos: 67





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the angst, but that's what happens when I'm tired. (Again I'm sorry.)

Adrien was splayed on his back, his head on his pillow, the comforter over him, staring at he ceiling. Was it past midnight? Yes. Was he supposed to be sleeping? Yes. Was he sleeping? No.

Adrien sighed, turning on his side to face the window. He knew tossing and turning wouldn't help him sleep, but he hoped he could find something to focus his mind on. Anything.

On nights like those, he wished Plagg didn't find it so easy to fall asleep. Because if Plagg was awake, he could talk to someone, busy himself with a conversation. Whether it made sense or not, he didn't care.

Nighttime is not something Adrien Agreste liked. It was not because it got dark, he didn't mind the dark, and there was plenty of light from the street lamps outside either way. But it was because at night, when he was going to sleep, he was not busy. And when he's not busy, his mind wanders.

And whenever that happens, it's never good.

On that particular night, his mind wandered to Ladybug. Not that it was unusual, most nights his thoughts drifted there. But that night, his thoughts were not content. 

Earlier that day, his father was in a more contempt mood than usual, being more stiff, dismissive, and bitter than usual. That came at Adrien's cost. Especially when it caused him to have back to back photoshoots, then fencing, then piano, and barely any time for himself.

His father had been snappy, which caused Adrien bitterness. But of course he couldn't show it. He had to be the perfect son, the image of perfection. It was so exhausting.

And on such exhausting days, the nights were never filled with content thoughts.

Adrien sighed, turning to stare at the ceiling again. Maybe his mind could stop thinking if he stared at the same blank area for a while. He was wrong.

 _Ladybug_... 

She was great, amazing, so totally creative, and so completely, utterly, out of his reach. No matter what he did, she was uninterested, and it hurt. He knew she didn't feel the same way, but he thought that maybe, _just maybe_ , one day he would do something and her heart would pound in her chest like his did when he saw her.

_Ladybug..._

His heart ached. He knew she wouldn't ever feel the same way, she said there was some other guy, some mysterious guy who was lucky enough to win her heart. Some mysterious, stupid guy who didn't feel the same way. 

_Ladybug..._

She would never love him, never hold him close and whisper in his ear words of adoration, never would she kiss his lips, and never, ever would she utter three words he longer to hear, _"I love you."_

_Ladybug..._

She thought he was playing games, messing with her heart, just trying to get a reaction out of her. But he wasn't, and he never would. He loved her sincerely, with everything he had, but he knew to respect her boundaries, no matter how much it hurt him.

_Ladybug..._

She would never know or understand what she did to him. How his heart raced at her sight, a simple touch, or just having her fighting beside him. She would never know how badly he needed her, how much he wanted to hold her tight, or how much he wanted to feel the soft touch and sweet taste of her lips. 

_Ladybug..._

She would never know how much she hurt him each day. How much it ate away at him with the knowledge that there was someone else who captured her heart, despite his everyday gestures, despite the amount of times he told her he loved her. She would never know how she killed him ever so slowly.

_Ladybug..._

He knew she would be the death of him, but he didn't care. If anyone would be the cause of his death, he would want it to be her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... Ladybug sure was gonna be the death of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't resist having some fluff, I really couldn't. Stupid treacherous heart.

Ladybug stared out at the rooftops of Paris, not looking at him, seeing pensive. He wanted to ask, or say something cheeky, but he just wasn't up for it. It seemed neither of them was really up for talking. They just sat there, side by side, Ladybug's lips pursed as she sat, stared, and thought, Chat Noir leaning back on his elbows as he sat beside her.

When she spoke, she did so quietly, startling him a bit. "Chat, I really need to tell you something."

Despite the quiet of her voice, he heard an urgency in it. "What's up? Are you ok?" He leaned closer to her, sitting up and crossing her legs.

She looked at him, a small fond smile at her lips, confusing him further. "I love you."

He blinked at her. Then blinked again. A giggled erupted from her at his comical reaction. "I'm glad you find this amusing, but I'm over here wondering if I'm hard of hearing or hallucinating."

She leaned closer to him, nose mere inches from his, "Neither."

She giggled again and sat back, finding humor in his flushed cheeks. He huffed, crossing his arms and pouting, but he couldn't do so for very long. Seeing her giggle like that made him soft. She made him soft.

"You really mean it?" he asked after a pause. He heard the desperate plea in his voice, it was like he didn't even make an effort to hide it. How pathetic.

She locked eyes with him, the blue eye looking through his green ones intently. He suddenly understood why they said the eyes were windows to the soul. He felt so vulernable like that, but he didn't mind too much. He wanted to be able to be vulernable around her.

"Of course, I mean it. Why wouldn't I?" She clicked her tongue, as if what she said was obvious.

"You sure are good at hiding your feelings, then."

She sighed, "Kitty," he loved it when she called him that, "I know I don't really show it, but I do love you." So she didn't mean it the way he though, great. Seeing him deflate, she continued, "I thought I only loved you platonically, since you're my best friend and my partner, but..." She trailed off, looking away to stare pensively at the city lights again, "I slowly came to terms with the fact that, I do love you. Not just platonically, and I needed to stop lying to myself. That's why I needed to tell you tonight," she turned to face him again, "because I really do love you."

All he could was blink as he stared at her, paralyzed by her words. As her bubbly giggle escaped her throat again, he didn't really think. He just acted. On impulse.

He cupped her cheeks, bumping noses with her as his lips meet hers lightly. Then, realizing what he'd done, he quickly withdrew, "I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have done that, I don't know what came over me, your words, and then my brain just, I don't--"

She put a finger to his lips, stopping his rambling. "It's ok, Chat." 

Before she could say anything more, everything around them went dark. Chat Noir drowned in the darkness, his night vision doing absolutely nothing. He was alone, in the dark, unable to see, or hear, or feel anything.

Where was Ladybug? Was she ok? What was happening?

He wished he knew the answers to those questions, desperately, but didn't know.

* * *

He woke up with a start. Next to him, Plagg was still snoring. He glanced at the time, it was four in the morning. He'd barely slept. He plopped down on his bed again, sighing loudly. It wasn't like Plagg was gonna wake up anyway, it didn't matter how loud he was.

_Ladybug..._

Of course he dreamt of her, when did he not? He hated that fact. And of course it was a confession dream. _How original,_ he thought. He mentally cursed his brain. Why did it always have to be her? Why couldn't he ever dream about something else? Like cookies.

Dreaming about cookies would be nice. Dreaming about eating cookies with friends would be nicer. Dreaming about eating cookies with friends at the bakery would be even nicer. Or maybe he just really wanted cookies.

He sighed, turning on to his side. Marinette always had cookies, he guessed living above a bakery that cookies would be a staple, a necessity. Marinette also had two loving parents, a career she was passionate about ahead of her, a wonderfully creative brain, good relations with everyone (except Lila and Chloe), and she was just awesome. Marinette was just a very lucky person, he couldn't ever imagine why she would ever need the lucky charm he had given him, or the one similar to it he had given her.

_The lucky charm..._

Tossing the comforter off of him, Adrien scrambled to his desk, opening a drawer, then taking out the familiar bracelet. Walked back over to his bed, sitting beside his nightstand, his thumb tracing over the familiar textures of the beads. 

He didn't know why he kept it in his desk, he should've just kept it in his nightstand. It would be so much easier to get to it, after all, he sought it for comfort more often than not. And comfort was something he seemed to constantly need.

He smiled at the memory of Marinette, handing over the bead she had crafted with her mother years prior to help her have better luck. He imagined a smaller, younger Marinette, humming as she picked up the beads that she wanted, lacing them through the string. He imagined she still wore pigtails then, and was probably missing a tooth or two when she created the charm. 

When she had handed over her charm, she looked so confident that it would help him. If only she knew how much it really did. That had been why he felt the need to return that favor, even if he didn't think she would need the comfort or the luck. But he needed a way to thank her, besides a simple "thank you". Crafting his own lucky charm to give her had felt like the right choice. He hoped it had been.

Lying back down on his bed, pulling the comforter over him again, he sighed contently. He let rubbing his thumb over the beads, letting himself drift off to sleep. 

For the rest of the night, he dreamt of eating cookies at the Dupain-Cheng bakery, with a giggling Marinette at his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAHHHHHH I love writing from Adrien's POV, honestly, like, it's the best. I don't even know why, though. I have no idea what a guy goes through when he likes someone, so I try to guess, but like, it's just fun writing Adrien in love.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I know, I know, it's short. But I don't like writing so much angst for so long. (Meanwhile I have a whole series for angsty fics lol)


End file.
